Pain Is Not Optional

You know those people in the grocery check out line that will share intimate details of their lives with whomever is standing near and willing to listen? That's how I grew up. My mother is that person and from her I inherited this penchant for unhealthy boundaries.

When I realized I had this habit I was embarrassed.

I found it ugly, weak. Strong, healthy people don't need to share their pain with strangers.

I've worked for years on being more mindful and through self-introspection I've changed some of my habits. What I've recently learned though is that I work through my pain by sharing and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not ugly or weak, it's who I am and I'm strong. I share while teaching as a story organically unfolds that relates to where the class is in that moment, through my writing, or talking to friends. It's how I process and move through painful shit that life throws at me. My need to share too much still arises occasionally, thank God I have good friends who gently call me out (sometimes unknowingly) when I'm seeking attention inappropriately.

What do I do with my pain?

I write, I cry, I rage, and eventually I move through it.

It's what I do.

I believe we all have the ability to choose, holding with a vice-like grip to our pain or to face it and, when it's time, loosen the grip. Pain, suffering, it's going to reach each of us, it's part of our human existence, but I don't want that pain to define me. Ultimately I want love to define me and for that to happen I need to move through the darkness and into the light.   

Divine Roasted Cauliflower

When I married into the Aniello family they made the most amazing breaded and fried cauliflower. It was truly Italiany goodness, but sadly fried is not something I do often these days. I recently found this recipe and we think it's very similar in taste but roasted instead of fried. I serve it as a side in place of potatoes.

1 head of cauliflower, cut into bite sized pieces

2 Tbl of melted butter or ghee

dash of tarragon 

dash of thyme

1 large clove of garlic, pressed

shredded parmesan cheese

Pre-heat oven to 450

Put the cauliflower in a bowl large enough to mix. After melting the butter place spices and garlic in the butter and mix. Pour the butter over the cauliflower and mix. Pour onto large cookie sheet, bake for about twenty minutes, stirring every five minutes or so. Remove from oven and shred parmesan cheese over the cauliflower. 

Lentil and Chickpea Curry

This was so easy, which is just what I need now that I'm so busy, and it was surprisingly tasty. If you leave off the topping at the end it's even vegan. 

1/2 onion, chopped    1/2 celery stalk, chopped    2 cloves garlic, smashed and chopped

1 diced carrot   1 bay leaf         1 Tbs olive oil         

1/2 red bell pepper        1 1/2 Tbs curry powder, I use zanzibar curry

1 quart vegetable broth (you could also use chicken broth if not vegetarian)

1 can (15 oz) organic lentils* 

1 can (15 oz) organic chickpeas

*I used dried lentils, soak them for a few hours in water before cooking

Toppings: Plain yogurt or sour cream

                 Fresh cilantro

Saute onion, carrot, celery, garlic, and pepper in olive oil until soft. Add curry powder and stir for a minute or so. Add broth, beans, and bay leaf. Cook on low heat for 30 minutes.

Serve topped with cream/yogurt and fresh cilantro.
I'm guesstimating that it serves five and has around 30 grams of protein per serving. 

Who Knew I was Practicing Lojong?

We learn at a young age how to react to the world. We mimic the behaviors of our primary caregivers. Part of this is survival instinct; we want to fit in. Another theory is the nature versus nurture controversy. How much of what we do is simply repeating the habits of our parents, grandparents, siblings? How much is our inherent nature? This has always been a subject that fascinates me, hence the Psychology degree, and lately I've been ruminating over my penchant for drama. As a youth I loved drama. For years all my dad and I had to talk about was other people...these days we don't have much to say to each other, but we've found an equilibrium.

I have had more than a few dramas lately, giving me the opportunity to practice lojong.

I didn't realize I was practicing lojong until I read Pema Chodron today. Lojong is a Buddhist teaching that states “whichever of the two occurs, be patient”; whether the situation is painful or pleasurable, sit with it and wait to react.

What I realized is that I may announce to the world that my finger is “possibly broken” when in actuality it's just badly injured. Yes, still a bit of drama in me, yet when it comes to the big stuff I've learned the ways of lojong. There have been interactions with others recently that could have gone terribly wrong, yet I chose to sit and wait before reacting.

As I continue on this path I might allow my drama queen to come out now and again, but at least I'm the only one involved in my drama.

Holy Cow Batman, I Got Published!

I got a yoga article published in Elephant Journal. Please read, the more hits I get the more likely it will be promoted. Thanks all!

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/11/whatever-happened-to-the-eightfold-path-in-yoga/

Where Does All This Deep Thinking Come From?

     I spent most of last week alone, which is normally an uncomfortable place for me, but not this time...which was a pleasant surprise. I found that I enjoyed my own company, that I relished eating whenever I wanted, walked the dogs only if I felt like it, and I meditated to my heart's content. I think a catalyst for this positive experience was a series offered by Shambhala Mountain Center called Awake in the World. I received an email invitation to participate in this free function that just happened to be offered the week that Pete was gone. I made a mental commitment that I would participate every day, which meant anywhere from one to three hours of webcast each night, depending on how many I chose to participate in. This webcast stimulated so much deep, contemplative thinking within me that I feel compelled to get some of my thoughts down in words.

Here's what I took away from this week of study:

• We live in a perpetual state of speediness, yet where do we think we're going? The world is round.
• Compassion can only come through empathy; sympathy places me above you. So I will continue to remind myself to meet people eye to eye with an empathy for their suffering.
• Through meditation I quiet my mind. Quieting my mind allows me to return to the world more present. This present moment is all there is, and now the moment is gone and I'm on to the next one.
• Everything is impermanent, so why do we get so attached to the ups and downs of our lives? The good times will pass and the bad times will pass. Floating on the waves of my emotions is my goal.
• I will work to accept those I love (including myself) just as they are, knowing that good days and bad days are both a part of this love thing.

     In the Buddhist tradition there is no good/bad, there just is; but I find it hard to express myself without this dichotomy.  I write this in the hope that my ramblings might inspire you to stay present to the kick ass moments as well as those moments of total sucky-ness this week.  

Love is…..

I have stood shoulder to shoulder with you for a lifetime.

There were times that I wanted to run away from your hatefulness.

There were times I felt you were my only refuge as you held me tight.

There were times I lashed out in anger and I was met with overwhelming compassion.

There were times that I was soft and loving and I was shunned.

After all this time we still stand,

shoulder to shoulder, trying to figure out how to love each other.

Raw, ugly, beautiful, tender......it is all encompassing.