I'm Not Sea-faring. I'm Not River-faring. I'm Not Pond-faring.

The man jokingly says as he hands me a release form, “Here, you have to sign this in case you die. This way no one can sue us.” My heart beats a little faster, I remind myself that we do the same thing for yoga classes. It’s just a formality. I sign the form and pile into the crowded van. A short drive and we are at the river bank. I was hoping for at least an hour drive to prolong the inevitable. The beach is filled with rafts and people in various states. Some are already in helmets, rafts are pushing off in small groups, and our group is milling around the boats while the guides begin to pass out life vests and paddles. We are instructed to put them on and cinch them tight. If it’s loose the scenario is that if you fall out of the boat and they try to pull you back into the boat,

 the vest will slide right over your head…..

I cinched it up so tight my ribs hurt.

We stand and listen to the safety tips:

If you fall out of the boat grab the line around the perimeter of the boat.

If you are floating too far from the boat keep your feet headed down stream 

so as not to bash your head on a rock.

If you find yourself under the boat, put your hands up and walk them to the edge 

until you can push the boat up and get out…..

at this point I’m looking around to see if anyone else is concerned.

 Nope, they look pretty calm.

On to the next rule:

If you find yourself under the boat and it’s not tipped over, do the same as above.

Wait? If I find myself UNDER a boat filled with people

I’m going to be so freaked out I will surely die.

My stomach is queasy from sheer terror now.

I lean over to Pete and say “I’m not sure I’m going with you.”

He pats me on the arm like I’m a fucking kid and says, “It will be fine.”

No, I don’t think it will be fine at all, but I keep quiet.

My mind is churning furiously and I notice that the other rafting company has given their patrons helmets. We don’t have helmets. What happens if I bash my head on a rock without a helmet?

Yeah, I don’t think this is a good idea at all.

I’m not sure if I was brave or I just didn’t want to be the only one to chicken out, but I stepped into the raft. I lodge my foot under the center flotation device as directed and I give Pete one final look as we push off to run the rapids of the Rio Grande…..and I’m sure you’ve already guessed that I had a great time.