Reality.....

These last few weeks have been challenging. There were a few times in the last ten days that 

I wasn’t sure I was going to keep going on this new path.

I had no idea what classroom management would look like with sixty wild, funny, little nymphs. For some it is the first time they’ve ever set foot in an organized, school style setting and I am woefully lacking in experience. 

I think we are finally finding equilibrium.

This weekend I registered and began studying for my second round of state testing for my teacher certification. This test will cover math and science. Suddenly this Humanities-loving scholar gets to revisit algebra, geometry, ratios, and a whole bunch of science stuff I barely made it through thirty years ago.

Then I got a call on Thursday saying my last class for licensing was cancelled due to low enrollment. After many phone calls, and much scrambling, I applied for, was admitted to, registered for, and maneuvered my way around the online system at Santa Fe College to get into the class I needed. I have an assignment due on Sunday. I ordered the book that I need for this assignment tonight and hope that it comes before I

leave for Kansas City on Thursday.

Pete’s oldest and dearest friend’s daughter is getting married on Saturday in Kansas City and all I was thinking is “how am I going to fit it all in? Homework, test prep, my own curriculum to prepare, dogs to walk, travel….”

Tonight, as I finished a short assignment for my new class, I impulsively asked Pete to go for a walk. 

Lately that impulse has been negated by a waterfall of

 “things you still need to do”….but not tonight.

After our walk I rolled out my yoga mat for a short practice.

Then I sat on my meditation cushion. Still. Quiet.

The patio doors open. Crickets humming.

And my practice kicked in.

Reality…...

I have a roof over my head. The ability (and means) to go to school and work. A partner who can still make my heart flutter after a million years together. A daughter who is strong and brave, 

braver than I ever dreamed of being at twenty-two.

This path that I have been traversing for so long has enabled me to live from a 

place of gratitude for what I have and enables me to truly see it, even when 

I fall into a crevasse of self-pity. I just don’t stay too long these days.