I chose
to give up a life I loved to come to Albuquerque. It took me thirteen years to create the life I left
behind. I’ve never stayed anywhere for thirteen years.
The
wanderlust runs strong through my blood.
The
gravity of what I’ve done, leaving so much behind, sometimes burbles up to the
surface just as I’m beginning to drift to sleep…. and I weep.
I
was attached to being the yoga teacher in town that everyone knew. I was
attached to being a college professor, when the reality is adjuncts come and
go.
However,
for a girl who should have been pregnant by nineteen, for a woman who wasn’t
bound for college, a woman who should be working at menial jobs,
a
woman who would still be smoking a pack a day,
being
a college professor meant I’d made it out.
I’m
suffering, but I know that I have the means to stop this suffering.
I
will practice being in the here and now, accepting the changes that I have
chosen to make
and to believe in my own inner guidance.
Albuquerque
was a conscious choice that I, and my partner, made. Now I need to slow my roll
(my favorite quote with my kindies of late) and find patience. To look for the
small, beautiful moments that arise each day, because there is always a beautiful
moment if your eyes are open.
