Pete and I have been discussing living
a conscious life for the last few months and the difference we think
it's made to our overall happiness.
What does living a conscious life mean?
First, let me tell you what it doesn't mean. Getting a little yoga
knowledge and turning into a self-righteous asshole. A new found love
for healthy living and preaching to all the sinners still eating
McDonald's about their evil ways. Assuming every fight you have with
your husband is his fault. (Why did I find it so hard to be wrong?)
Stepping up to the express lane at the grocery store with a LOT more
than the maximum number of items and pretending you don't see the
sign. All those behaviors that deep down, if you listen really
closely, you can hear a little voice warning you might not be right.
Ah, but making changes based on that little voice is easier said then
done.
I began to inadvertently listen to that
voice based solely on maternal instincts. Carrying a child can be a
powerful catalyst for change.
What living a conscious life means to
me is being ever vigilant of my behavior knowing that it directly
affects the people around me. This notion was born for me the day I
found out I was pregnant with Jayne. My two candy bar lunch chased
down by a Big Gulp of Coke suddenly seemed wrong, so naturally, my
journey into conscious living started with diet. Then, after Jayne
was born, she was collicky and more of my darkness was exposed. The
frustration arose quickly in those sleep deprived days and my
instincts, so screwed up from my own childhood, was to shake her in
anger. What I did instead was put her in the crib, lock myself in the
bathroom, and cry with such self-loathing that I didn't think I would
ever be able to look in the mirror again. I've stumbled along the
way, but I seem to always find my way back. Having a child watching
and emulating my behavior was a powerful motivator. I credit much of
my mindfulness, my conscious living, to my studies of Patanjali's
Yoga Sutras and the Buddha's Noble Eightfold Path. You don't have to
study Eastern philosophy to get there though, Christ delivered a very
similar message. To ferret out what exists within each of us that we
find so disdainful and expose it to the light is the beginning of
change. Once exposed, these behaviors, some of which are burried so
deep, suddenly seem to have less of a hold on us. I've always been a
happy person, but lately I feel, dare I say, blissfully happy and
it's nice.
