My entire life there’s been something dark shimmering
just outside of my periphery.
This darkness has colored everything that I’ve ever done, but I didn’t know it.
For weeks now I’ve been having ugly, twisted dreams
of things I didn’t understand.
In our last phone call before my brother’s death he alluded to this darkness.
His remark has haunted me, pulling at the edges of my memory.
He remembered, I didn’t.
He’s dead, I’m not.
I’m alive.
These days I find myself trying to tease out which emotions are mine and which emotions belong to the darkness.
I’m no longer willing to carry those things placed upon me when I was a child.
I’m working with a therapist.
I’m setting boundaries.
I’m taking the space I need to heal what was done to me...and it’s hard.
I’m sending love and light to those of you tonight dealing with your own demons.
It’s part of the human experience.
It will pass.
The light will shine again.
I promise.
