Is It Possible to Have a Civil Conversation About Guns?

     Growing up in Missouri we always had guns in the house. As a young girl my dad would take my brother and I out into the country to shoot rifles, that was our bonding time. Driving down the dirt road outside of town we would eventually reach our destination, a rundown metal bridge that crossed over the 102 River. Dad would throw big, round balloons in on one side of the bridge and as they drifted down the river we would take aim and shoot; I was a poor shot and never much hit anything. I did however learn to respect the power of guns and it quickly became obvious to me that they were not toys. Most of my relatives are still in Missouri and anticipate the coming of each new hunting season.I see pictures on Facebook each year of my cousins and their respective kills. Missouri has an avid hunting culture and I respect the history behind it. Our forefathers provided sustenance for their families through hunting and I know for many it's an important link to their heritage. So, given all this information, you might speculate that I'm a card carrying member of the NRA. I'm not. Statistics show that a gun in the home is more likely to be used in a homicide, suicide, or accidental shooting than in self-defense, which is some of the reason I find myself on the “more gun control” side of the argument. My mother used my father's own gun to try and shoot him some years ago; they are divorced now for obvious reasons. I think I feel emboldened by the Christmas season to express my opinion on such a controversial subject and hope to inspire some of you to think about your stance. I realize I cannot change anyone's mind about anything really but, with an open heart, I simply wish to give my opinion on the subject of guns.

     Most of us learned as children that we can't always have our way and that we need to compromise, but it seems to me as though many of our politicians are more akin to petulant children than adults. My hope is to start a conversation about our differences and finding our way back to the idea of compromise or, at the very least, respectfully agreeing to disagree. If it were up to me I would ban all guns, but I realize the world doesn't revolve around my wants. I also know my ideology would not sit well with all the gun-totin' Americans out there, including many of those near and dear to me. So, I'm willing to soften my stance and head toward the middle. In the middle I see Americans keeping the guns that they have legally obtained, but why does anyone need an assault weapon? I am in no way a gun expert, and I realize some automatic rifles are used for hunting, but why does any civilian need a gun that can fire thirty-three rounds? If it takes thirty-three shots to take down that waterfowl your hunting maybe you need to find a new hobby. Ultimately we all want a safe community for ourselves and our children to not only maintain, but to grow and thrive. I also realize guns are not our only problem, but we have to start making changes somewhere. Had Adam Lanza's mother not have had the ability to build up such an arsenal we might not be mourning the loss of so many innocent lives this Christmas. Let's not let these children's lives be lost in vain. It's time for an intelligent conversation about what is right for all Americans and to stop allowing one very powerful lobby to control our gun laws. It's time we start speaking up not just for what we want, but for what is truly best for our country. As John F. Kennedy said, “Ask not what your country can do for you- ask what you can do for your country.”  

Who Writes a Blog on Juice?

     I had lunch with yoga friends a few weeks ago and one of them ask me to give her some juice recipes, so here they are. This is a collection of some of our favorites. All of the recipes serve 2.

Cilantro Juice:                        Harvest Juice:                   Swiss Chard Juice:      
1/2 bunch cilantro                   1/4 large beet                    2 apples                        
2 green apple                          2 carrots                            4 carrots                        
2 celery sticks                         1 apple                              1/2 beet                        
1 lemon                                   2 celery sticks                   6 chard leaves              
1/2 inch ginger  root                 1 lemon                             1/2 inch ginger              
                                               1/2 inch ginger
                                                2 kale leaves
                                             
Mint/Lime Juice:                   My Favorite Beet Juice:     Kale/Grapefruit:             
4 sticks celery                        1 beet                                 4 kale leaves                  
1 apple                                   2 carrots                             2 carrots                        
5 sprigs of mint                      1 apple                               2 grapefruits                  
1 lime                                     1 orange                                                                        
                                               1 stick celery          
                                               1/2 inch ginger

Kale/Carrot Juice:                   Pete's Favorite:                Pear/Broccoli:                
5 large kale leaves                   8 broccoli spears             8 broccoli spears              
3 carrots                                  2 grapefruits                    3 celery sticks                  
1 orange                                                                          2 pears                              
                                                                                                                                 

Pineapple/Carrots:                 Tomato Salad:                   Parsley Juice:
1/2 pineapple                         3 carrots                            1/2 bunch parsley
1 apple                                   2 tomatoes                        1/2 head of lettuce
3 carrots                                 2 celery sticks                   4 carrots
1 celery stick                          1/2 lime                            1 lime

Apple Cleanser:
2 apples
2 kale leaves
1 celery stick
1/2 cucumber
1/2 beet

I keep kale, beets, green apples, carrots, oranges, and grapefruit in my refrigerator and mix them in numerous ways. I try to do a fruit with all the veggies to add a little sweetness.

When In Doubt, Yoga

    I love to run and play with our dogs; in general I think I have a playful spirit. I'm finding, thanks to a recent encounter with Ginger, that my body is lagging behind my spirit though. Last month I was throwing a stick around in the yard with Ted, the youngest member of our pack, and I didn't see Ginger coming at me. Ginger is an eighty pound Rhodesian Ridgeback that at first glance appears to be one solid mass of muscle. She hit my shins so hard it sent me flying into the air and, as gravity dictates, I came down hard. I lay in the grass where I'd landed for a few moments stunned, then I started to laugh. The dogs had gathered round me, all of them looking guilty. I think they know where their meals come from and were trying to make sure there would be no retaliation come dinner time. It was quite comical until I tried to get up, then I was confronted with the reality of my age. You just can't take a hit like that at fourty-six and expect to come out unscathed. I could tell my right hip, shoulder, and knee were all out of wack, so I headed in for some ibuprofen and to take inventory of my injuries. I was stiff and sore, but all in all it didn't seem too bad. I tried for three weeks to “yoga through” the pain, taking ibuprofen each moring and each evening. I continued to walk the dogs, and tried to stretch it out, all in the hope that things would pop back into place given some time. Things didn't pop back into place though. What happened was that I had a migrating pain on my right side. First my right hip hurt, then the pain would morph into what felt like a pinched nerve in my neck, then my sciatic nerve felt tweaked, then the muscles on the right side of my spine began to seize up, and then I came to an epiphany that many of us “hippies” who profess we don't need pharmaceuticals or doctors often come to: God gave us doctors for a reason, stop being an idiot and get some help. I may not be an idiot, but I am still a hippy at heart, so I chose acupuncture.

     At first I thought about going to the chiropractor, which seemed like the natural choice given my symptoms, but the voice inside my head is loud and acupuncture is what it was telling me to do. So I made an appointment with Lester, an acupuncturist who came highly recommended. As is the holistic practitioners custom we sat and talked for a bit before the exam began. He took my vitals by looking at my tongue and observing my pulse, then he had me hop up on the table to check out my back. As he examined my spine he asked again how the injury had happened and I told him. He responsed that I could have told him I was hit by a car and he would have believed me. I had five vertebrae out of alignment. (Note to self: You weren't being a baby.) He then began soft tissue manipulation by gently pressing down on the vertibrae that had come out of alignment until they eased back into place. As he moved down my spine he explained that the muscles on the right side of my spine had begun to seize up to hold the vertebrae in place so they wouldn't slide any further out of alignment. As he continued to push and prod at the vertebrae in my spine he asked more questions. How long ago had the injury occurred? I told him three weeks ago. He was surprised and made the following observation, “My guess is, if you hadn't been doing so much yoga in the last three weeks, you might not be able to walk right now.” I love it when the universe affirms my choices were right. Our lives are cyclical and I'm in a cycle of transition. I'm finishing grad school and Jayne, my only child, is applying to college and will be leaving home in the fall. When change occurs I have a hard time trusting in my inner voice. I doubt my own intuition, yet I knew that yoga, even injured, was the way to regaining my health and I'm glad, at least on some level, I was able to hear and act on this guidance even through the doubt.   

Spicy Sweet Potato and Corn Soup

Friday is my day off but I normally pack more into it then on a work day. Today has been no different. I have an outing tonight so I made dinner for Pete and Jayne. They already fend for themselves on Tuesday and Thursday nights when I work, which is obviously fine since they are quite capable, but what they end up making is bean burritos, frozen meals, canned soup....not the healthiest fare. So I often leave something ready to warm up, bonus: I get to eat it when I get home as well. So tonight I scoured through my fridge and came up with all the fixings I needed to make this soup. I first ran into this recipe in a cookbook from Moosewood Restaurant many years ago and come back to it each fall.

1/2 cup chopped onion            2 cloves of garlic, pressed
1 small can of green chiles or 1 whole jalapeño, seeded (the jalapeño is much hotter)
salt to taste
3 cups vegetable or chicken stock
2 tsp cumin
2 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed
1/ 2 bell pepper or 1 green zucchini, cubed. Sometimes I use both.
1 can yellow corn

Top hot soup with fresh cilantro and sour cream or plain yogurt.

In a covered pot, simmer the onion, garlic, chile, and salt in one cup of broth for 10 minutes. In a small bowl mix one tablespoon of the leftover broth with the cumin to make a paste, then mix into pot with veggies. Add the sweet potato and remaining stock and cook for 10 minutes, then add zucchini and/or bell pepper, and corn. Simmer for another 10 minutes or until all veggies are soft. Take out one cup of broth and veggies and puree. Stir back in then serve with a dollop of sour cream and fresh cilantro on top.
Makes 4 large servings with about 200 calories a serving

Trusting In My Own Ability to Balance Life

No one imagines that a symphony is supposed to improve in quality as it goes along, or that the whole object of playing it is to reach the finale. The point of music is discovered in every moment of playing and listening to it. It is the same, I feel, with the greater part of our lives, and if we are unduly absorbed in improving them we may forget altogether to live them.

Alan Watts

     I miss the days of mindlessly going about my life. Of driving through McDonald's with no guilt. Arguing with Pete and being certain I was the agrieved party. Buying cheap clothes without any thought to where they came from or, more importantly, what child might have been exploited to make it. Wondering about everything I pick up at the grocery store: Is it organic? Is it made with GMO's? Is it 100% recycled paper? Is it free range/cage free meat? Does the company use animal testing? And on and on and on. I've been feeling so much pressure to do the right thing each day that I think I've been forgetting to enjoy my life. I realize I've been doing this, to some extent, for many years and I'm grateful that Pete and Jayne have been such good sports. I have a vivid memory from eleven years ago when I was hiking around Aurora Reservoir in Colorado with our friend Neil, Pete's oldest and dearest friend. Neil visits us every year and this particular year the task of taking him to the airport fell to me. I decided we should go for a hike before going to the airport. As we hiked, as usual, I talked. At some point Neil said to me, “You sure talk about psychology stuff a lot these days. Don't you get tired of working all the time?” Neil has a way of pointing out the everyday absurd that can become a part of our lives when we aren't looking. He normally gets it spot on too.

     I have felt broken for so long, desperately searching for the right thing to fix me. Perhaps if I ate healthier, went to school just a little longer, meditated for just one more hour, achieved that next challenging yoga pose.....I kept thinking that around the next corner I might find the perfect panacea. This past Thursday I sat through yet another fifty minutes of therapy (which I'm also tired of) and I realized I'm burned out on self-help. I resent my meditation, I'm craving food that isn't good for me, I'm surly and not sleeping, it's hard to practice yoga (which is like breathing to me); it's as though my life has become a chore. I talked with Connie, my therapist, about this and her response was so simple: “Do what you want. Stop worrying and just be.” I've been working this path to a healthier me for twenty years, and I think Connie's right, it's time I trust in myself to do the right thing and stop worrying. If I don't do the right thing, oh well. It's not the end of the world if I have a Coke or eat a frozen pizza or act like an ass when I argue with Pete. Life will go on and the next time I'll return to my green tea or choose a salad instead of pizza or realize Pete might just be right. For years I've been espousing that once you find the balance in asana it will lead to finding balance in other areas of your life. I need to trust in myself that I too can find the balance off my mat without always worrying about it. I have a feeling I'm going to surprise myself at how often I actually do the right thing; after all, I have twenty years of experience and, even when I do screw up, I know my intention was good. So I will silently hum my new mantra, an oldie but a goodie, “Don't worry about a thing,'cause every little thing gonna' be all right.” Thank you Bob Marley for these words of wisdom.

Jerk Chicken and Veggies with Rice

     Living in Southern California I have learned that the weather is hard to predict. Even though it's getting close to Thanksgiving we had a high of 90 degrees today. Thankfully it will drop thirty to forty degrees tonight so the house stays cool. I try to grill when it gets like this to keep from cranking the air back on. Here is one of our family favorites. I had some cherry tomatoes laying around so I added them as a side dish. Pete likes tomatoes on the grill so I added some to his skewer, I like mine cold, and Jayne skips them all together unless in ketchup or pasta sauce. My guess is this could be made vegetarian by using portobello mushrooms.

Spicy Caribbean Jerked Chicken with Rice

Ingredients

 

Make spicy marinade by combining:

4 medium green onions

2 jalapenos

1/3 cup lemon juice

1/4 cup honey

2 tsp dried thyme

2 Tbl vegetable oil

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp cinamon

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp clove

Directions:

I use my braun handblender to whip the marinade together. Then pour over one pound of boneless, skinless chicken breast and marinate for at least two hours. I cut the chicken into cubes and add onion and bell peppers to make kabobs with this, I have never used whole breast but whole is what the recipe calls for. I make a side dish of rice in the rice cooker with a 1 Tbl of chicken broth and 1 Tbl jerk seasoning and serve the chicken over the rice.

Roasted Root Vegetable with Quinoa

      My friend Beth just gave me a butternut squash and, as luck would have it, we're having a bit of a cold snap (at least it's cold by Southern California standards). There's nothing like roasted root vegetables when the weather turns chilly. I had some other veggies I mixed in, added some quinoa, and dinner is served. Next time I'm going to mix in a can of garbanzo beans for a little bit more substance, but I thought it was really tasty. I adapted this recipe from a couple of different sources, it serves four with 390 calories per serving. 

     1 tsp. ground cumin                        1 tsp. coriander

     1 tsp. ginger                                    1 tsp. salt

     1 tsp. cayenne pepper                     1 tsp. cinnamon

     2 Tbl. honey                                   3 Tbl. olive oil

     1 medium onion, cubed                  2 carrots, peeled and cubed

     1 potato, cubed

     2 sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed                             

     1 red bell pepper

     1 butternut or acorn squash, cubed 

     1 tsp. thyme leaves

     

 Quinoa:

      1 cup quinoa, rinsed

      2 cups water

      1 Tbl. balsamic vinegar        

      1 tsp. olive oil

Mix all spices except thyme with olive oil and honey in a large bowl, then add the cubed vegetables and mix. Pour in roaster and bake on 375 for 30 minutes. Then add thyme, mix, and return to oven for 20 more minutes or until veggies are soft. 

Follow quinoa cooking directions. When done add vinegar and olive oil. Place a serving of quinoa in a bowl and spoon veggie mixture over it. Serve while hot. 

      

This Is Me Not Talking Politics

   If you live in America, unless you've been holed up in a cave, you're probably aware it's an election year. I'm not going to talk politics here, but I'm going to use this as an opportunity to explore my own humaness. I call myself a liberal, probably not a suprise to most of you. I believe women should have the right to choose what they do with their own bodies, I believe everyone should be able to marry whomever they want (love is love, and we certainly could use more of it in this world), and I believe everyone should have access to food and healthcare. I, like the rest of the country, sometimes have a hard time with people who don't share my veiws. My guess is many of you get caught up in the “us versus them” mentality, as do I, and I don't like it; it's certainly not beneficial for our country. I've been grateful for this election because it has afforded me the opportunity to practice non-judgement. I have some friends who are a bit more pragmatic then myself who believe judgement is part of our human nature, and I would agree, but there is also a time for diplomacy. Diplomacy will lead to peace much more quickly then pointing fingers and criticizing one another.

     For years I have tried to practice a mindful existence and this election brings up the fact that I'm still a work in progress. Case in point: Pete and I sat at a restaurant this past Saturday night and a woman was speaking loudly about her political veiws. I found her tone and volume obnoxious and I was irritated, probably in part because she did not agree with my position on many important issues. When I got up to go to the restroom, I noticed the woman who was speaking was someone I know. She is a current yoga student of mine, and I stopped to speak. As we continued with our dinner it occurred to me that as I judged this person for having a different view then me I was not “living my yoga”. The heart of a mindfullness practice is kindness, compassion, and to move away from the divisive practice of judgement. I'm striving to be the change I want to see in the world, and to do that I must open my mind and heart to those who see things differently than me. Our thoughts are powerful and if we can begin to be more respectful in thought and action to those that differ from us I believe we will begin to see a shift in America. I will try this election to choose my words carefully when stating my opinion about the issues and to treat each person with kindness and respect even when I don't agree with their opinion. So.....go vote! And be kind to one another, whether Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Dog, or Cat.

Mom's Vegetable and Beef Soup

     When I was a girl my mom made this vegetable and beef soup a lot. I've made some changes to make it a bit healthier and often I leave out the meat, but still it feels like comfort food to me.  It taste best after sitting in the refrigerator over night. My theory is the tomato base has time to soak into the vegetables. I use organic, fresh produce, but canned vegetables are better than no vegetables. This is easy to make and easily feeds six. Always looking to spice it up, Pete loves this with fresh parmesan cheese and red pepper flakes.

If using meat choose one pound of a good cut of beef           

  2 carrots, chopped                                                               2 celery stalks,chopped

3 cloves of garlic, minced                                                      1 cup green beans

1/2 medium onion, chopped                                                  1 cup of corn

2 potatoes, peeled and cubed                                                1/2 cabbage, chopped

1 14 oz can tomatoes, rotel works well                                 Trader Joe's Tomato Juice(1/2 bottle)

1 Tbl oregano                        

(You can use whatever veggies you like, I sometimes add lima beans, peas, zucchini, whatever I have on hand)

Heat olive oil in dutch oven add meat, onion, and garlic, cook for ten minutes on medium heat. Add all the rest of the ingredients except the cabbage. Cook on medium/low for three hours, adding tomato juice to suit your taste as it cooks. Add cabbage for thirty minutes or so. I love this recipes because you really can't over cook it, the longer it cooks the softer the meat and the more the tomato flavor mingles with the vegetables. 

Bon Apetit!
Calories: 330 in three cup serving, Total of 5 BIG servings!

What To Do With Regrets From The Past?

      I've been having a rough few weeks. Truth be told it's been a rough three months, but isn't that how life is? Filled with ebbs and flows? You would think after all these years (I'm firmly in the middle age bracket now), that I wouldn't be surprised when it ebbs. But here I am, bummed out for the last two weeks and I'm sick of being sad; quite honestly I'm sick of myself. This month is the anniversary of my brother Jack's death. It's been twelve years since he died and I've gotten used to the fact that he's no longer here. Sadly, my family now finds itself saying good-bye to another loved one. I went to Austin last weekend to say good-bye to a man who has been in my life since the day I was born. Billy is not biologically related to me, yet, I struggled with a deep need to go and see him before he died. It certainly wasn't convenient to go right now, but his doctor said two to six weeks is all he has left. Pete was out of town backpacking (which meant I couldn't even consult with him before I made a decision). As a senior in high school, Jayne had her last homecoming on Saturday. The classes I teach at the college would have to be cancelled. But who says life is convenient?

     Billy and his wife Peggy live just down the road from where my brother's headstone rests, and visiting them, saying good-bye to someone else I love, well...I'm just emotionally raw, and what has come up is regret. I have no regrets in regards to Billy, and going to Austin proved to be a powerful life experience. I was able to tell him how important he has been to me, to wish him a safe journey, and to tell him I love him. I didn't have that opportunity with Jack. A few years before his death I found yoga, and I was a bit of a zealot about the lifestyle changes I'd been making. Alright, if you ask my sister or my husband they would say I was downright overbearring about my new lifestyle and judgemental of everyone who wasn't interested in changing. I had decided that yoga and the dietary changes I was making were beneficial to all, and if they would just listen to me they too could reap the benefits. I was so self-righteous in my new-found knowledge that it never occurred to me that maybe they were happy living just the way they were living. My brother was struggling with life when he died and wasn't in a healthy space at all, so I think I was even more obnoxious with him. Being in Austin has brought to the surface this long burried regret. So, what to do with it? I can't change past behaviors, I'm human and I make mistakes, so how do I find compassion for myself? I loved my brother and I have to believe he knows my intention at the time was only to help him find health, I just went about it in the wrong way. I believe that the universe gives us what we need, we just have to keep our eyes open, and just when I needed a little inspiration to get myself out of this black hole of self-pity I got an email from the Dalai Lama. No, I'm not personal friends with the Dalai Lama, it's a mass mailing that comes if you sign up for it, and in this one he is discussing compassion. He said that to neglect compassion is a mistake because it is the source of our own well-being. Bingo! When I'm soft with myself I'm able to be soft with others, especially those I love the most who also happen to be easy targets when I'm not in a good space. By putting this out into the universe my hope is that I will be able to find a little more compassion for myself -and the people I love- and to forgive myself for past mistakes. 

My Book of Gratitude

What we think, we become. 

All that we are arises with our thoughts. 

With our thoughts, we make the world.

- The Buddha

This is my Book of Gratitude. I started it when a friend brought me back this journal from Nepal this past Christmas. I was so touched that while she was trekking around Nepal she thought of me. It made me realize how many blessings I have in my life. It's so easy to get bogged down in all the negative things that arise in life and overlook the positive. So to help attain the lofty Buddha quote above I started this book to help keep me focused on the positive. I print out all the kind emails, text, and record any kind interactions I have each day with the people I encounter.  I find I wallow in my own self pity less these days and my "happiness" index has risen exponentially. I thought I might inspire some of you to start your own Book of Gratitude. Maybe together we can begin to change the world one positive thought at a time. 

Potato Hash With Peppers and "Bacon"

On days when I'm working through dinner time I try to make something healthy and put it in the refrigerator for the family to warm up later. This is a new spin on the "southern fried potatoes" of my youth. I made these with turkey bacon, but a soy product would work well too. Serve it with a splash of tobasco or some picante sauce.

5 slices of turkey bacon or soy bacon
2 Tbl olive oil
3 medium potatoes, washed and cut into large chunks
1 large red bell pepper, cut into large cubes
1 onion, cut into large chunks
2 celery sticks, cut lengthwise and then sliced
1 poblano chile pepper, seeded and diced
1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and diced
3 Tbl fresh cilantro

Cook bacon over medium heat in a large skillet until done. Remove and set aside. Add olive oil to pan then add potatoes and onion, cook for 15 minutes with lid on pan. Stir frequently to make sure it's not sticking. Add the celery, chiles, and red pepper (salt and pepper if you like). Cook another 15 minutes with the lid on the skillet, stirring frequently still. Tear the bacon into bite sized pieces and fold into potato mixture. Sprinkle with cilantro and, if you like, tobasco or picante.
Serves 4, 200 calories a serving

How Do You Feel About Rock n' Roll Yoga?

 Lately I've been thinking about what I call rock n' roll yoga. I was in a rock n' roll yoga class in a dream this weekend. Picture this: I was a student in the back of a class filled with beautiful people clad in expensive yoga clothes (I was in a pair of running shorts and a tattered t-shirt). All of them were young and insanely fit, the teacher looked something like Adam Levine, and Led Zepplin's Whole Lotta Love was blaring on the sound system. I was flowing with the other students, yet I was wildly distracted. We were going really fast and the student in front of me looked like she had never taken a class before. I was distracted by her form and I kept telling myself to stay on my mat, stay with my own practice, it was “Adam Levine's” job to make sure she was safe, not mine. I woke up thinking about...you guessed it...yoga! I'm seeing a new trend among my students at the college. They come to class on the first day raising their hands asking questions like, “Are we going to do handstands?” or “Will we be learning crow pose?” The first time this happened I thought, “Oh, this girl must be a seasoned yogi.” Then I saw her moving through a flow series...not so much. I think I've figured it out though; it's rock n' roll yoga. Fit young people want the “cool” that comes with yoga and dive in head first; they want to master an ancient practice in ninety minutes. Hmmm, what's wrong with this picture?

     During teacher training I was taught that we place our bodies “just so” in each pose so that the energy flows through the nadis (a network of subtle energy channels) in order to awaken the kundalini energy which yogis believe leads to samahdi (a non-dualistic state of consciousness). In order to release blocks from our chakras, if you believe in this sort of thing, you need to place your body correctly in the poses so that you can free the energy flow. Regardless of whether you are into chakras or not, by putting yourself into a pose incorrectly one of two things can happen. First, you run a higher risk of injury, and secondly, you don't get the full stretching/strengthening benefits of the pose. This makes me sad, sincerely sad, because I can look at my own physical and mental health and see the long term benefits I have received through a slow build up to these more advanced poses. Had I started at a run, my suspicion is I would have burned out really quickly, whether through injury or just moving on to the next fad exercise trend. Don't get me wrong, I love a rock n' roll yoga class now and then, I just think it's something one graduates to. After all, you have to learn to walk before you can run.   

Quinoa Stuffed Peppers

Since Pete has shown an interest in eating more vegetarian meals I'm motivated once more to cook sans meat. Here is a recipe that I made for dinner recently; the quinoa is a good substitute for the traditional stuffed pepper with hamburger and rice. Bon Apetit!

Serves 8

4 whole peppers, cut in half and cored. Boil in hot water for 8 minutes or until slightly soft
2 Tbl coconut oil (or olive oil)
1 whole carrot, cut into small bits
1/2 cup onion, diced
1 jalapeño, diced
2 cloves of garlic, minced
2 Tbl cumin
2 cups water
1 tsp cinnamon
1-15 oz can tomatoes(rotel works well), diced, reserve liquid to line bottom of pan
1-15 oz. can black beans, drained
3/4 cup quinoa
1 1/2 cup tillamook cheddar cheese

Pour reserved tomato juice in bottom of casserole dish, then place peppers on top of the juice.

In a large skillet on medium heat pour oil and sauté carrots, onion, jalapeño, and garlic. After 5 minutes add cumin, cinnamon, and tomatoes. Pour in black bean and quinoa with two cups of water. Cover and cook over low heat for about 20 minutes. When liquid is absorbed and quinoa is soft remove from heat and add one cup of cheese to skillet mix. Stir and then spoon into peppers, cover each pepper with remaining half cup of cheese and cook in the oven for 45 minutes at 350 degrees. Serve with a green salad on the side.

Maneuvering Through the Family Minefields

     As I began to write the latest entry for my blog a ghost from my past emerged, namely, my mother. The original topic of dealing with an empty nest has been put on the back burner as I feel compelled to write about my experience as the child of a mentally ill parent. My mother is bipolar and doesn't regulate her disorder with medicine, so it's a tricky situation. When my younger brother died eleven years ago it seemed to drive my mother deeper into the rabbit hole and eventually contributed to my parents divorcing. At this point things went from bad to worse and with some intensive therapy on my part I put up some boundaries in order to keep myself emotionally safe. This was not something my mother could abide. You see, I was her oldest and my mother and I had always had a close relationship. What I've been struggling with for ten years is how to have a relationship with someone who does not respect your personal boundaries? This latest contact is confirmation of what I already knew, my mother is not ready to respect my wishes. I recently wrote to her explaining my stance once more and telling her that when ready I will contact her. I also included a picture of our daughter; it feels cruel not to let her see her granddaughter. Still she called a few weeks ago and, catching me off guard, I answered. I handled the call with surprising calm (seriously, I was shocked at my detachment), but I kept the conversation short. Since then she has called four times. Did I mention the four calls were all made in four minutes to both my home and cell phone? So how does one maintain a relationship with someone who is not mentally stable? That is the million dollar question.

     I realized today that I've been in denial about the level of stress I'm feeling over this new development. In the past I felt safe because I wrote to my mom when I was ready for contact and, since she hasn't responded in all these years, I felt some semblence of control over the contact. Now, more than ever, I'm realizing in a very profound way the depth of a mother's influence over a child. I feel like I've escaped from a cult and the leader is knocking at my door to tell me I need to return to the fold. It has been a struggle to balance what is in my best interest, and truly my family's best interest, and also to be as kind and loving to my mother as I can, even if that just means saying a prayer for her each day. My therapist once said to me that I must treat my mom like the adult that she is and that I must show her how to be in a relationship that supports both of our highest and greatest good...... man, that's hard when it's your mother and she knows how to push all your buttons. Not to mention the cultish spin on this whole thing; I often hear my mother's voice in my head telling me how unappreciative I am for all she has done for me or some other message along that line. For now I will try to continue to keep my boundaries firmly in place, to quiet that voice from my past that so often is reverberating in my head, and hopefully keep maneuvering through the family minefields.    

Lentil-Mushroom Burgers

Here is the recipe that so many of you have inquired about. It took a lot of time, but the extra patties freeze well to pull out for a quick meal later. Super for vegans!

Serves 12

1 cup dried green lentils                                1/2 cup flax seed, ground
2 1/4 cup water                                             3 cups finely chopped mushrooms
1 Tbl parsley                                                 1 1/2 cups stemmed and chopped kale
1/4 tsp black pepper                                      2 Tbl coconut oil or olive oil
3 garlic gloves, minced                                  2 Tbl balsamic vinegar
1 1/4 cup chopped onion                               2 Tbl dijon mustard
3/4 cup finely chopped walnuts                     2 Tbl nutritional yeast
2 cups bread crumbs                                      1/2 tsp paprika
salt and pepper to taste

In small pot bring lentils, water, parsley, 1 clove of garlic, and 1/4 onion to boil in 2 1/4 cup water. Reduce heat and simmer for 35-40 minutes, until the water is absorbed and the lentils are soft.

While the lentils are cooking, combine the walnuts, bread crumbs, and flax seed in a bowl. Add the nutritional yeast, salt, pepper, and paprika and mix well.

Saute the remaining onion, mushroom, garlic, and greens in oil for 8-10 minutes, then set aside to cool. Remove the lentils from the lentils from the heat, add the vinegar and mustard, and mash with a potato masher to a thick paste.

In a large mixing bowl combine the lentils, veggies, and bread crumbs and mix well. Cool in the refrigerator for 30 minutes. Using your hands shape into burger patties and place on waxed paper. You can then fry, broil, or grill for about 5 minutes per side until lightly browned. Serve like a regular hamburger with whatever fixings you like.

I got this recipe from Eat and Run by Scott Jurek.

My Favorite Quinoa Recipes

  It suddenly seems like everyone is discovering quinoa. Not that I'm that far ahead of the crowd, I just started using it in the last few years. Here is what I know about quinoa (pronounced keen-wah); it's a dense, earthy grain and, for those of you interested in nutrition, it has all of the nine essential amino acids. I have found a few recipes that my whole family enjoys, not a small feat with a teenager, and I thought I would share them here for those of you still trying to maneuver around the quinoa world.

Spicy Quinoa and Black Bean Salad (Great as a side dish or a main meal, best served cold)

1 1/2 cups quinoa


1 1/2 cups canned black beans, rinsed and drained


1 1/2 Tbsp. red wine vinegar


1 1/2 cups cooked corn (fresh, canned or frozen)


1 red bell pepper, seeded and chopped


4 scallions, chopped


1 tsp. garlic, minced fine


1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper


1/4 cup fresh coriander leaves, chopped fine


1/3 cup fresh lime juice


1/2 tsp. salt


1 1/4 tsp. ground cumin


1/3 cup olive oil


Directions

Rinse quinoa in a fine sieve under cold running water until water runs clear. Put quinoa in a pot with 2 1/4 cups water. Bring to a boil, then cover and simmer 20 minutes or until water is absorbed and quinoa is tender. Fluff quinoa with a fork and transfer to a large bowl and allow to cool.

While quinoa is cooking, in a small bowl toss beans with vinegar and salt and pepper to taste.

Add beans, corn, bell pepper, scallions, garlic, cayenne and coriander to the quinoa. Toss well.

In a small bowl whisk together lime juice, salt, cumin and add oil in a stream while whisking. Drizzle over salad and toss well with salt and pepper. Salad may be made a day ahead and refrigerated, covered. Bring to room temperature before serving.

International Quinoa Salad (This is by request for Beth ;D)

Quinoa: 1 1/2 cups quinoa, rinsed very well
2 1/4 cups water


Vegetables:1 large cucumber, peeled, seeded, and diced,
2 medium tomatoes (diced), 1 can of corn,
1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and diced,1 can chickpeas (drained),1/2 cup scallions, thinly sliced,
2/3 cup parsley(minced),1 ripe avocado, peeled, pitted, and diced.

Dressing:1/4 cup freshly squeezed lime juice (NOT lemon)
3 TBL chicken or vegetable broth,
1/2 tsp salt, or to taste (optional),
1/8 tsp ground pepper, 2 cloves garlic, pressed or minced,
1/4 – 1/2 teaspoon chipotle chili pepper

Directions

Follow the quinoa cooking instructions. Fluff the quinoa and allow it to cool. Combine all of the vegetables (except the avocado) in a large bowl. Add the quinoa and mix well. Whisk the dressing ingredients together and pour over the salad. Mix well and refrigerate until chilled. Taste before serving, and add more lime juice as necessary (you want it to be tangy). Garnish with the avocado and serve.

Incan Quinoa (from Eat and Run by Scott Jurek)-think dressed up porridge

1 cup quinoa, 2 cups water, 1 cup almond milk or your favorite, 1 ripe pear (diced) or banana,1/4 cup dried coconut flakes, 3 Tbl Flora Oil 3-6-9 Blend, 1/2 tsp sea salt, 1/2 tsp vanilla,1 1/2 tsp cinnamon. 

Add the quinoa to the water. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat to low, then simmer for 15 minutes, until the water is absorbed. Place the quinoa and the remaining ingredients in a blender and mix until smooth, about 1-2 minutes. Garnish with walnuts,chia seeds, or raisins.

Place in fridge over night and serve cold or warm in microwave.  

The "Not Seen" Phenomenon

     I've started to notice that my intuition is guiding me more these days then the need to fit in or, for some (think Lady Gaga), to stand out. Lately I have been studying a situation that I think all of us run into at some point in our lives, what I call the “not seen” phenomenon. I knew it was a really common sitution for kids as they try to find their place in the world, but I didn't realize how prevalent it is with adults as well. Here is the scenario that plays out on elementary school playgrounds everyday: a kid tries to join a group that doesn't really notice them and they hang on the outskirts of the circle hoping to be brought into the group, but they're either not acknowledged or they're shunned. So the kid might hang in there a little longer or they might move on to the next group. Change the setting for adults, it might be work, marriage, parties, it's just not as blatent in adults. We seem to be a little more subtle in our behaviors in regard to rejecting others, but it still happens nonetheless. For some of us it goes unnoticed when it is happening; it certainly did for me. As the sociologist in me began to observe this scenario I noticed there are times we all try to fit ourselves into places that we don't belong, a round peg in a square hole so to speak. I realized this summer that I'd been doing this very thing at one of my yoga jobs. In my world to make a living you become what is known as a flyer. You move from one place to the next, sometimes juggling three or four employers at a time to bring in more money. It works for me because I'm not a nine to five, sit at a desk kinda' gal anymore. My longest standing job had become stale, yet I hung in there for the sheer routine of it. One day a few years ago I mustered up the courage to give my notice. Finding trained yoga teachers can be a bit challenging (I know, who woulda' thought that possible in California), but it is, and they asked me to stay on just to sub when needed. I agreed out of a sense of loyalty after all those years and that is where it stood until recently. A situation arose last month that helped me see more clearly why I left in the first place, I just couldn't name it until now. The “not seen” phenomenon.

     We were invited to a pool party with all the staff last month, even though I was just subbing for them now. I had been a part of the team for a very long time, so Pete and I went. It was a mixed group, mostly middle-aged people, but there were a few kids under four running around as well. After milling around for a few hours we finally sat to eat dinner. I heard the mom of a three-year-old ask someone behind me at the next table to keep an eye on her son while she went inside for a minute. My guess is my “mom senses” turned on, because before I knew what was happening I was pulling the little boy out of the hot tub. It all happened so quickly. I was talking to some people at our table about a desert I had brought when I looked over at the pool and the young boy was bobbing up and down with his hands flailing and crying, so I walked over, grabbed his hand when he came up, pulled him over my leg and began to hit his back to get the water out of his lungs. At this point the woman who was supposed to be keeping an eye on him came rushing over and the mom also returned to take him from me. They walked off with the boy and I returned to our table. The conversation didn't skip a beat, we went back to talking about rhubarb as though nothing had happened. I leaned over to Pete and said, “I'm shaking.” His response was, “I'm sure! Isn't it weird that no one seemed to notice?” At that moment I knew what my unconcious mind already had realized: I wasn't seen or appreciated by this group. I made the right choice when I took a leap of faith and moved to another studio. It has been two years since I joined Inner Evolution, and the owners and the students make me feel like an important part of the team. From now on I want to align myself with people in all aspects of my life who will see and appreciate what I have to offer and to help me grow to my full potential, something you can't do if you're not seen. I want to thank Phil, Sandrine, and all the students at the studio for seeing me.      

Who Supports Your Highest and Greatest Good?

      I think of myself as a bit of a sociologist. It goes deeper than just people watching for me; I find human interaction fascinating. I think this voyeurism, and I use this term in the most platonic fashion, began when I was a child and realized my family was a world apart from the families of my classmates. Until kindergarten I thought my parents were the coolest people in the whole world. My dad had a thick head of permed hair, wore turquoise jewelry, and drove an El Camino. My mom wore halter tops and bell bottoms and was always listening to classic rock. To this day Fleetwood Macs' Rumours is still one of my favorite albums. My mom was twenty when I entered school and my dad wasn't much older so they seemed incredibly hip to all the other kids; this was the first time I noticed my family was different. Noyes School, and the friends I made there, are what I attribute my “success” in life to, along with the fact that no matter how much we moved around my parents made sure they kept us in good schools. My husband likes to boil everything down to numbers and he informed me that by the time I moved out of my parents house we had moved, on average, every year and a half. If you got a glimpse of my W-2 you might dispute my “success”, but I use a different gauge for success. I have always told Jayne, as John Lennon's mother told him, the key to life is happiness. I believe that a happy life is a successful life. Obviously, nobody escapes life unscathed by troubles and I have had my fair share, but even when “life” as I like to refer to it arises, I still feel an underylying sense of well being even in the midst of trouble.

     I'm not sure how I achieved this state of contentment, but I know it's a gift. I think it's probably a plethora of circumstances...yoga, meditation, a little intuition, a lot of therapy, a few lucky breaks perhaps, and my childhood friends who showed me a different way, namely college. I have tenaciously held onto my friends from Missouri; even when they were busy with their own lives and didn't respond, I hung in there. I recently came back from a visit with these friends, a few I have known for over forty years, and I realized that they were my tethers to this life that I now have. I believe everything happens for a reason, sometimes it takes a while to figure it out, but if you wait long enough it will become clear. I can see now that the reason these women entered my life was to tether me to a better life, a different way of being in the world, and I'm insanely grateful to them. My journey has taken me far from Missouri, yet I know this is where my story began and I feel indebted to my parents for all the lessons they taught me. I have found a supportive, loving, and nurturing partner to share my life with and I surround myself with positive relationships that honor who I am without expectations of what I can do for them. I learned this from my childhood freinds. I thought long and hard on my way home from Kansas City about the way my life has unfolded and I am filled with gratitude. We are all sociologists in our own way, modeling behaviors of those around us, and my hope is that I have shown Jayne how to tether herself to people who will help her meet her full potential as well. My family is like my own personal sociological experiment these days, so the queston of the week has been, “Who will you tether yourself to? Who is going to help bring out your highest and greatest self?” I can firmly answer Becky, Alison, Eve, and Anne. Thanks Ladies, I love and appreciate you more than you could ever know.   

Lessons From The Blue Fish

      

     As I sat in the Miami airport waiting for a connecting flight I found myself reflecting on the quiet ease that seemed to permeate our vacation in Aruba. Even Jayne had little to complain about once she figured out there was WiFi in the resort lobby. This trip, and the luxury of lounging on a white sandy beach for a week, was something I had been looking forward to for months; our vacations normally consist of hiking in a park or visiting family with little down time. As we got closer to our destination I reminded myself that sometimes when I build up an event in my mind it can be sorely lacking. So, as our taxi approached the resort, I took a deep breath and reminded myself to let go of expectations. I reminded myself of this concept throughout the week when things weren't going according to plan; whether we were waiting for a bus that was late, eating a meal that I'm pretty sure was just pan fried chicken covered in Pace picante sauce that cost way too much, or painstakingly navigating our way to a shop only to find it closed. I was determined to roll with whatever came my way this trip and then, on our first day out, I saw a beautiful tropical fish that helped to cement my resolve.

     The resort we stayed at has a private island with water taxis running every fifteen minutes to and from the island. The island consisted of a small outdoor restaurant, a cabana with towels and floats to borrow, another cabana used for private massage, along with two beautiful beaches attached by boardwalks spanning the lagoons and inlets. As we wandered around the first day we stopped on a piece of the boardwalk that extends out over an inlet of water. We stood still quietly looking down into the turquoise water that is synonymous with the Carribbean and noticed it was teaming with life. All sorts of tropical fish had come in away from the open water. I imagined that, like us, these fish had come to this island to rest where it was less turbulent, and one particular fish caught my eye. It was about a foot long, bright blue, and completely at ease in its environment. I observed this beautiful fish floating effortlessly, moving with the small undulations of the inlet as though it was one with the water, for what seemed to stretch into hours, yet, in reality, it was just a few minutes. As I stood on the boardwalk in that moment I realized that I don't take the time to stop and truly see what is in front of me nearly often enough. I practiced this “being in the moment” mindset throughout the rest of the week and I can say it was the best vacation that we (notice I wrote “we”, not just me) have had in years. I'm not sure if my attitude was contagious or the island attitude swept us all away, but it was a magical week, imperfections and all. I just hope to remember this experience as life comes roaring back at me tomorrow.  Perhaps I'll print out a copy of the tropical blue fish and put it on my kitchen pantry for inspiration.         

Learning To Be Soft

     We live in a quaint little town in Southern California that prides itself on its ties to the past when it was once the biggest producer of citrus in the world. Our house is on a main street that is near a local elementary school. When you live in a small town like this and you live on a main street, just about everyone knows where you live. We love our little ranch house and the neighborhood its in, but when our daughter hit middle school we began to question our choice of locations. We have been vandalized too many times to count in the last four years. It started with teepeeing, that was not a big deal, then they moved on to eggs, then nasty messages scrawled on our picket fence, our daughters car has been egged, written on with crayon, bananas stuffed in the tail pipe, feces smeared on our garage door, a bottle of urine thrown into our yard, it has been pretty brutal emotionally on all of us. Jayne is now a senior and it feels like things are beginning to settle down or, as my grandma used to say, “God willing and the creek don't rise...” I learned on Friday night that I might just have a minor case of post traumatic stress syndrome related to our teen vandals. I have been pretty unnerved at my own behavior on Friday and was talking with a friend today about the whole incident, as we laughed at my ridiculous behavior, I decided the incident was the perfect topic for me to blog about.

     This past Friday Jayne was out with friends, and she checked in and said she would be home around 2 AM, as they were watching movies at a friend's house. Around 1:45 our dogs started barking, so we assumed Jayne was home. Yet they continued to bark, so I pulled on my robe and headed out to see what was going on. As I looked out the back fence I noticed our neighbors were getting teepeed; the kids were still at it even though it looked to me like every square inch of their front yard was covered in toilet paper. I stepped out and said, “It's late and you're keeping us up. Enough!” Some of them ran giggling, which is what I expected, but a few of them kept up with their assault on our neighbors' trees. I said in what I hoped was an even more focreful voice, “Enough. Our dogs are barking and keeping up the whole neighborhood.” As I stood in the driveway clad only in a robe and bare-feet, one of the girls began barking and running at me, and then she threw a roll of toilet paper at my head! She missed, but I felt like a dam broke inside of me and I ran after her (there were two cars waiting for them). I began to bang my fists on the mini-vans windows screaming obscenities at them until they tore out, then I moved on to the little blue hatchback and started to bang on the window screaming that they were vandals and that I was taking their license and calling the police. At this point the poor girl behind the wheel was pleading with me that they were just teenagers having fun and to leave them alone. She then took off in pursuit of her friends. They came back a few minutes later hanging out of the mini-van screaming and hurling eggs at our driveway, but I suppose I brought that one on myself.

     Since then, besides frequently chuckling at the image of the crazed yoga teacher running down the street in a robe and swearing at teenagers, I have been questioning my lack of control. Was I not the adult in the situation? Or is it simply that I had a human moment? I don't lose my cool very often; I can think of only four times in almost eighteen years of parenting that I regret my behavior with Jayne. I have certainly made more than four mistakes as a parent, but most of the time when I make mistakes my intention is fueled by love, not anger. Through this incident with the teens I have found new insight. Perhaps it is in those times that my anger gets the best of me that I can learn the most. I have held myself up to some pretty high standards and when I don't meet them and my own humanness shines through, I am quick to condemn myself. If I can learn to forgive myself my mistakes then maybe I can begin to more quickly forgive the people I love their own mistakes. So next time I lose it and do something wacky I am going to try and let it roll off and move on without allowing self-deprecating thoughts to go on for days. I'm going to try and be soft on myself so that I can be soft with the world.

Does Juicing Dandelion Greens Make Me a Hippie?

 

 I have always thought of myself as a bit of a hippie chic, but I was born too late to truly call myself a child of the sixties.  As I recently sifted through stacks of old pictures for a project Jayne's grandmother is making for her graduation gift, I came across this picture of me when I was six or seven.  Check out the groovy headband, perhaps I was quickly reincarnated and actually did experience Woodstock. Here is what I did with some dandelion greens a friend just gave me today, you can also throw them into a green salad.

Juice:

Three big handfuls of dandelion greens

Two oranges

Serves 1

My Experience With Seva

      The notion that we are all connected seems to be a recurring theme in my life of late. This morning as I sat with my friend Mina quietly catching up, I spoke to her of my neighbor Gabe (pronounced Gay-bee...she's German). Gabe has become very dear to me and, in her own way, is helping to fill a hole that has been left by my strained relationship with my mother. She is eighty-five years old and is losing her sight to macular degenerative disease. We spend time together each week doing different activities, depending upon what she needs. I have picked up her cleaning, taken her to the mall when she is running out of facial products, fixed an alarm clock, deliver dinners, or sometimes we just sit and I listen to her stories as we sip tea and she holds my little dachshund Gobi. Gobi is how this connection began. Our daughter wanted a little dog, something Pete and I had never contemplated; we considered ourselves “big dog” people. German Shepards, Labs, Rhodesian Ridgebacks, that we know, but a fifteen pounder? Jayne found Gobi at a pet rescue where he immediately stole her heart, and we set up a one on one visit with him. One look at that adorable, long haired weenie dog and we were all in agreement, he needed to come home with us. What we didn't know is that weenie dogs are infamous for barking, and boy did he live up to the reputation.

     One day, shortly after Gobi arrived, a woman was at our back gate trying to rouse my attention over the cacophony of dog barking. I went to the gate and let her in, she said she heard we had a Dachshund. I thought she meant word was getting around about my yippie dog, then I realized she could not see and literally meant she heard him. It seems her mother had raised doxies in Germany and she owned one until recently when her eye sight became too poor. When she found herself tripping over her own dachshund (they love to hide under your feet), she decided she had to give him up. The love that shone in her face as she held Gobi for the first time was wondrous and I immediately felt that the universe put this dog in our path for her. I asked if Gobi and I could come for an occassional visit and a freindship was born. She is a fascinating woman who survived Hitler's Germany, met and married an American Airforce pilot, and then left everything she knew behind to come to America. Mina pointed out that I am practicing seva, or selfless service, each time I sit with Gabe. I pondered this idea; it doesn't feel like a “service” when I'm with her, it warms my heart to be in a relationship with this beautiful woman, which is exactly what seva should do. There is a reverence that accompanies practicing seva. A highly spiritual motivation lies behind one's actions and it is palpable to both the giver and the receiver. Truly seva is an experience of our interconnectedness.

     The Dalai Lama says that “given the scale of life in the cosmos, one human life is no more than a tiny blip. Each one of us is a just visitor to this planet, a guest, who will only stay for a limited time. What greater folly could there be than to spend this short time alone, unhappy or in conflict with our companions? Far better, surely, to use our short time here in living a meaningful life, enriched by our sense of connection with others and being of service to them”. I believe that an abundance of gifts have come my way thanks to seva, and I'm not talking material abundance. I feel loved and appreciated in ways now that I had only read about in self-help books before. I have started to truly love and appreciate myself, somethng that was elusive to me in my youth, and feel content on most days with exactly where I am. Through each experience of seva that I undertake I find I am able to open my heart more and more to the people that are in front of me. I guess I now know why the Beatles lyrics “the love you take is equal to the love you make” has been my mantra for so may years; I was destined to practice seva, just as the Dalai Lama says we all should do.          

Grapefruit and Fennel Juice Anyone?

I made this juice for our breakfast and it was yummy.  

2 grapefruit

1 green apple

1/2 bulb of fennel

1 large sprig of mint

Serves 2

The Best Green Chile Chicken Soup Ever

I love to cook, but when I'm feeling lazy I normally turn to a soup recipe that I can put on and we can eat whenever we feel like it.  Last night I mixed up a wonderful chicken soup with some stuff I had in my cupboard and I think it was the best chicken soup I have ever had.  It has a little spice to it, and I'm a bit of a "spice wimp", so I added a dollop of sour cream and some shredded cheddar cheese, Pete added tabasco!

                                            Green Chile Chicken Soup Recipe

2 Tbl olive oil                                                                2 organic carrots, chopped
2 organic chicken breast                                                1 can of corn
1 medium onion, chopped                                             1 Tbl cumin
2 cloves of garlic, minced                                              1 tsp thyme
1 can rotel tomatoes                                                       1 tsp marjoram
1 can whole green chiles, 4 oz, chopped                       1 tsp oregano
2 cups chicken broth
2 stalks of celery, diced
2 medium potatoes, cubed

Heat the oil in a large soup pot over medium heat.  Add onion, garlic, and chicken.  Cook until chicken is browned, remove chicken and cut into small pieces.  Add to the onion and garlic the carrots, celery, cumin, thyme, marjoram, oregano, and cook over medium to low heat for five minutes then return the chicken and add all the other ingredients.  Cook for two hours, checking to see if water is needed.  The consistency is almost stew like, so do not add too much water.  Serve with a warm sourdough bread on the side.
Serves 4

Ahimsa: The Trump Card of the Yamas

     Just before I turned forty I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure, or, as my doctor so delicately put it, “I have old ovaries.” My first thought was, “Oh joy!”  Then I remembered a truth that I have embraced for many years: as we grow old our bodies deteriorate and then we die, there's no changing this fact, so I started to read about menopause and arm myself for the future. The only choice I see when facing an aging body, assuming I don't want to go through life focused on every little physical setback that comes my way, is to embrace each situation as it comes and make the best of it. In the beginning the symptoms were tolerable, I managed them with yoga and meditation, then I eventually added some herbal remedies. As things progressed I went to a yam based cream and that did the trick for a while, then things got worse. My mood was consistently foul, I began to understand how an attorney might use menopause as a defense in court. The migraines returned with a vengeance and then I knew something had to give, my quality of life was dramatically altered and it dawned on me that I was suffering through this as I tried to maintain my “holistic” lifestyle to the detriment of my own happiness.

      I went back to my doctor, who immediately suggested a pharmaceutical path to alleviate my symptoms. I had been doing research for a couple of years and had a few ideas of my own as to how I wanted to proceed, so I asked about bio-identical hormones. At this point the conversation took a turn and my doctor went on the defense, suggesting that I at least try the drugs. I wasn't having any of this; I prefer to save the pharmaceuticals as a last resort, and I continued to lobby for a plant based solution, and I'm nothing if not relentless. So eventually she gave me a prescription for a bio-identical cream, then we added a soy based pill to the mix when my cycles completely stopped. This worked well for a few years, then about eight weeks ago my symptoms came roaring back. Thanks to hot flashes I have not slept through the night in weeks, I've had two to three migraines a week for at least five weeks now, and I'm as emotional as my teenage daughter after a breakup. Recently I was presented with a new route to try, bio-identical pellets consisting of plant based hormones inserted subcutaneously, and I jumped on it. As many of you on the holistic or natural path have probably found it's not always embraced by everyone, it's often met with skepticism and fear or I find some people are purist that believe one should let nature run its course without interference. I know that when someone gives me their opinion it is normally based on their love and well wishes for me. Yet, these opinions at times are not helpful at all, in fact, they are sometimes just the opposite. I would urge all of us to allow ahimsa, non-harming, to override the inclination to immediately give our opinion and to think more carefully about when to offer up our advice.

     As I struggle with a lack of sleep, which is my achiles heel, I have also been planning my first yoga workshop on the yamas and niyamas; studying these concepts more in-depth is exactly what I needed to see this situation more clearly. Last night, as I read about satya, the concept of truthfulness, my hurt from misguided comments about my menopause choices evaporated. I have instead found compassion for the people who were trying to support me with their ill-advised remarks. I can look back at my own behavior and see that at times I have done this myself. I thought I was speaking from a place of love, and I'm sure they were too, but I did not weigh the power of my words. I have offered advice under the delusion that I'm practicing satya, yet when offering my feedback I have not always been sensitive to the recipient's feelings . I recognize now that honesty should be withheld at times when it can do more harm than good. I will weigh my words more carefully in the future realizing that, ultimately, ahimsa should trump all of the other yamas.

Learning To Be Enough

  Jayne has been struggling with self-esteem issues lately. She is feeling like she is not quite smart enough, talented enough, just NOT enough.  I suppose, in a way, I am too, as fifty gets closer and closer.  I think our society sets us up for this from the time we are little. First we are put into reading groups based on our abilities (which we often see as a lack of ability when we are not in the highest group), and don't even get me started on what rejection from a sports tryout can do. We base our self-worth on our test scores and come away feeling “less than” when someone else does better than us, and there's always going to be someone better, faster, or smarter.  I don't mean to pound my chest here, but living with an impressionable teen is heartbreaking at times. Why doesn't our society support us for being exactly who we are? I beleive that if you are doing the best you can that that should be enough. As I tell Jayne when she has tried her hardest, yet doesn't quite make it, that she is perfect just like she is, which normally gets me an eye roll, but I mean it.  Even though we are bombarbed by the message that we are not quite enough, I want to believe that I am enough just like I am. Magazines tell us how to be skinnier, the television tells us how to cover up our flaws with the right make-up, how to get six pack abs with the right machine, or a plethora of other ways we can improve ourselves as though we are not quite good enough.  Why not learn early to love ourselves, flaws and all, and be happy anyway?

    I recently read an article about an Indie movie filmed in Amsterdam.  It follows the lives of two twin sisters who just happen to be 69 year old prostitutes...talk about acceptance of yourself. I'm not advocating prostitution, but they are adults and it is legal in their country. So hey, live and let live.  My point is not to debate prostitution here, my point is, wouldn't it be lovely to be so comfortable in your own skin that you could get naked at 69 with a stranger and feel ok?   I have a hard time just looking in the mirror somedays as my body ages, let alone allowing someone else in the room. Yet, the concept of this kind of self-acceptance would be a gift to any one of us. What a wonderful thing to teach our children, that they are enough just as they are, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  So whether they make the team or not, whether they get the part in the play or not, whether they go to college or not, or whether they want to go to tech school and be a mechanic, to instill in them to follow their passions, their dreams, without any stigma attached to their choices is the ultimate state of self-acceptance.  I want Jayne to do what she wants to do because she loves it and to know that she is enough just as she is. Ultimately, don't we all want to know we are enough just as we are?