Just
before I turned forty I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure,
or, as my doctor so delicately put it, “I have old ovaries.” My
first thought was, “Oh joy!” Then I remembered a truth that I
have embraced for many years: as we grow old our bodies deteriorate
and then we die, there's no changing this fact, so I started to read
about menopause and arm myself for the future. The only choice I see
when facing an aging body, assuming I don't want to go through life
focused on every little physical setback that comes my way, is to
embrace each situation as it comes and make the best of it. In the
beginning the symptoms were tolerable, I managed them with yoga and
meditation, then I eventually added some herbal remedies. As things
progressed I went to a yam based cream and that did the trick for a
while, then things got worse. My mood was consistently foul, I began
to understand how an attorney might use menopause as a defense in
court. The migraines returned with a vengeance and then I knew
something had to give, my quality of life was dramatically altered
and it dawned on me that I was suffering through this as I tried to
maintain my “holistic” lifestyle to the detriment of my own
happiness.
I
went back to my doctor, who immediately suggested a pharmaceutical
path to alleviate my symptoms. I had been doing research for a
couple of years and had a few ideas of my own as to how I wanted to
proceed, so I asked about bio-identical hormones. At this point the
conversation took a turn and my doctor went on the defense,
suggesting that I at least try the drugs. I wasn't having any of
this; I prefer to save the pharmaceuticals as a last resort, and I
continued to lobby for a plant based solution, and I'm nothing if not
relentless. So eventually she gave me a prescription for a
bio-identical cream, then we added a soy based pill to the mix when
my cycles completely stopped. This worked well for a few years, then
about eight weeks ago my symptoms came roaring back. Thanks to hot
flashes I have not slept through the night in weeks, I've had two to
three migraines a week for at least five weeks now, and I'm as
emotional as my teenage daughter after a breakup. Recently I was
presented with a new route to try, bio-identical pellets consisting
of plant based hormones inserted subcutaneously, and I jumped on it.
As many of you on the holistic or natural path have probably found
it's not always embraced by everyone, it's often met with skepticism
and fear or I find some people are purist that believe one should let
nature run its course without interference. I know that when someone
gives me their opinion it is normally based on their love and well
wishes for me. Yet, these opinions at times are not helpful at all,
in fact, they are sometimes just the opposite. I would urge all of us
to allow ahimsa, non-harming, to override the inclination to
immediately give our opinion and to think more carefully about when
to offer up our advice.
As
I struggle with a lack of sleep, which is my achiles heel, I have
also been planning my first yoga workshop on the yamas and niyamas;
studying these concepts more in-depth is exactly what I needed to see
this situation more clearly. Last night, as I read about satya, the
concept of truthfulness, my hurt from misguided comments about my
menopause choices evaporated. I have instead found compassion for
the people who were trying to support me with their ill-advised
remarks. I can look back at my own behavior and see that at times I
have done this myself. I thought I was speaking from a place of
love, and I'm sure they were too, but I did not weigh the power of my
words. I have offered advice under the delusion that I'm practicing
satya, yet when offering my feedback I have not
always been sensitive to the recipient's feelings . I recognize now
that honesty should be withheld at times when it can do more harm
than good. I will weigh my words more carefully in the future
realizing that, ultimately, ahimsa should trump all of the other
yamas.
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