Pain Is Not Optional

You know those people in the grocery check out line that will share intimate details of their lives with whomever is standing near and willing to listen? That's how I grew up. My mother is that person and from her I inherited this penchant for unhealthy boundaries.

When I realized I had this habit I was embarrassed.

I found it ugly, weak. Strong, healthy people don't need to share their pain with strangers.

I've worked for years on being more mindful and through self-introspection I've changed some of my habits. What I've recently learned though is that I work through my pain by sharing and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not ugly or weak, it's who I am and I'm strong. I share while teaching as a story organically unfolds that relates to where the class is in that moment, through my writing, or talking to friends. It's how I process and move through painful shit that life throws at me. My need to share too much still arises occasionally, thank God I have good friends who gently call me out (sometimes unknowingly) when I'm seeking attention inappropriately.

What do I do with my pain?

I write, I cry, I rage, and eventually I move through it.

It's what I do.

I believe we all have the ability to choose, holding with a vice-like grip to our pain or to face it and, when it's time, loosen the grip. Pain, suffering, it's going to reach each of us, it's part of our human existence, but I don't want that pain to define me. Ultimately I want love to define me and for that to happen I need to move through the darkness and into the light.