The "Not Seen" Phenomenon

     I've started to notice that my intuition is guiding me more these days then the need to fit in or, for some (think Lady Gaga), to stand out. Lately I have been studying a situation that I think all of us run into at some point in our lives, what I call the “not seen” phenomenon. I knew it was a really common sitution for kids as they try to find their place in the world, but I didn't realize how prevalent it is with adults as well. Here is the scenario that plays out on elementary school playgrounds everyday: a kid tries to join a group that doesn't really notice them and they hang on the outskirts of the circle hoping to be brought into the group, but they're either not acknowledged or they're shunned. So the kid might hang in there a little longer or they might move on to the next group. Change the setting for adults, it might be work, marriage, parties, it's just not as blatent in adults. We seem to be a little more subtle in our behaviors in regard to rejecting others, but it still happens nonetheless. For some of us it goes unnoticed when it is happening; it certainly did for me. As the sociologist in me began to observe this scenario I noticed there are times we all try to fit ourselves into places that we don't belong, a round peg in a square hole so to speak. I realized this summer that I'd been doing this very thing at one of my yoga jobs. In my world to make a living you become what is known as a flyer. You move from one place to the next, sometimes juggling three or four employers at a time to bring in more money. It works for me because I'm not a nine to five, sit at a desk kinda' gal anymore. My longest standing job had become stale, yet I hung in there for the sheer routine of it. One day a few years ago I mustered up the courage to give my notice. Finding trained yoga teachers can be a bit challenging (I know, who woulda' thought that possible in California), but it is, and they asked me to stay on just to sub when needed. I agreed out of a sense of loyalty after all those years and that is where it stood until recently. A situation arose last month that helped me see more clearly why I left in the first place, I just couldn't name it until now. The “not seen” phenomenon.

     We were invited to a pool party with all the staff last month, even though I was just subbing for them now. I had been a part of the team for a very long time, so Pete and I went. It was a mixed group, mostly middle-aged people, but there were a few kids under four running around as well. After milling around for a few hours we finally sat to eat dinner. I heard the mom of a three-year-old ask someone behind me at the next table to keep an eye on her son while she went inside for a minute. My guess is my “mom senses” turned on, because before I knew what was happening I was pulling the little boy out of the hot tub. It all happened so quickly. I was talking to some people at our table about a desert I had brought when I looked over at the pool and the young boy was bobbing up and down with his hands flailing and crying, so I walked over, grabbed his hand when he came up, pulled him over my leg and began to hit his back to get the water out of his lungs. At this point the woman who was supposed to be keeping an eye on him came rushing over and the mom also returned to take him from me. They walked off with the boy and I returned to our table. The conversation didn't skip a beat, we went back to talking about rhubarb as though nothing had happened. I leaned over to Pete and said, “I'm shaking.” His response was, “I'm sure! Isn't it weird that no one seemed to notice?” At that moment I knew what my unconcious mind already had realized: I wasn't seen or appreciated by this group. I made the right choice when I took a leap of faith and moved to another studio. It has been two years since I joined Inner Evolution, and the owners and the students make me feel like an important part of the team. From now on I want to align myself with people in all aspects of my life who will see and appreciate what I have to offer and to help me grow to my full potential, something you can't do if you're not seen. I want to thank Phil, Sandrine, and all the students at the studio for seeing me.