I have always had a “monkey mind”, hopping from one thought to the next, but I realized this weekend the monkey is becoming my friend. On Saturday I was invited to a meditation workshop that my friend Beth was leading in Rancho Mirage. I felt reluctant as I spoke with Beth about the day. It had been years since I participated in a day of silence, and the last time did not go well. She assured me it would be broken up into short increments and expressed her confidence in me; how could I turn down such a lovely gift? I've been to numerous retreats over the years. Yoga and movement I can do, but silence is often elusive for me, or so I thought. The first silent retreat I went to was over ten years ago and it lasted four days. I suppose in hindsight four days was not the best way for an extrovert like myself to start practicing silence. I love the expression “the way we do one thing is the way we do everything” and I have a tendency to dive into the deep end without much thought to whether I can swim or not. I went on my first retreat with two friends whom, to quote my husband, talk more than I do; not a good formula for success. In the evening there was a designated lights out time and in the sanctuary of our room each night we began whispering about the day's experiences; needless to say we weren't following the rules. It was a long and arduous four days for me as I focused on what I couldn't do rather than seeing it as an opportunity to be still and nurture my spirit. I suspect that I didn't like my own company very much back then and the chatter in my mind kept me from dealing with that reality.
This weekend's experience was much different then that first retreat. I was pleasantly surprised at how easily I fell into a quiet state of contemplation. We started in a circle for a quick discussion about the concepts of the Mindful Way Stress Reduction program and its founder Joh Kabat-Zinn, then Beth gave us a brief synopsis of how the day was going to proceed. At this point the real work began and there was to be no more talking. If someone felt compelled to say something they were asked to speak only to Beth and to allow the other participants to maintain their silence. I noticed from the moment I arrived that I felt at ease with the idea of not talking and I easily maintained silence for the next five and a half hours. I realized as we sat at the end of the day to take stock of our experience just how far my journey has taken me down the path toward self-realization. When I began this journey meditation was sheer agony for me, yet with much practice and patience, not to mention skillful guidance, I can see what a difference it has made in my life. The day after the retreat I sat outside in our front yard trying to maintain the quiet I had gleaned the day before with our pack of unruly dogs. An older man from the neighborhood came walking by; he is not fond of my dogs, as he walks by our picket fence quite frequently, and they cannot resist lunging and barking at him. I had my squirt bottle of water handy to stop them from lunging at him, but I'm afraid the barking is a lost cause. I proceeded to say hello to him and walk along on my side of the fence trying to keep them down with carefully aimed squirts of water to their snouts. He stopped, as he has done many times before, to complain and tell me how badly my dogs behave. Traditionally I come up with an excuse for them, or apologize, but not today. Today I took a deep breath, paused, and said with a smile on my face, “Why don't you...have a great day!” He was so disarmed by my response that he was speechless for a moment, then he said, “Well you have a great day too” and walked on. Oh how meditation is changing my life! Don't get me wrong, I still have moments where I'm a complete bitch (just ask my husband or daughter), but those moments are fewer and, I like to think, farther between.
Here is a link to the Mindful-Way Stress Reduction website if anyone is interested. I highly recommend this program and Beth, she is insanely good at what she does.
http://mindful-way.com/
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