My Thoughts On Mother's Day

  It seems like everyone is talking about Mother's Day this week. I went for a walk this morning with a friend who is struggling with her choice to go to the beach with her own family rather than spend the day with her mother and family of origin.   Holidays for them traditionally revolve around the matriarch of the family.  When I got home from my walk I had an apologetic text waiting for me from my daughter telling me she just found out a group project she's working on for school will take her away from home on Sunday.  My reply to this was “since when do we sit around and look at mom all day on Mother's Day...it's fine”.  Throughout the years it has become more and more obvious to me that you need to appreciate each day you have with the people you love, not just on those “special” holidays that Hallmark has exploited for its own profit.  This lesson really took root for me when my younger brother Jack died.  He was thirty-one, and it was paralyzing at first.  I think that death can be a potent wake up call for those left behind.  I like to believe I am honoring his memory through the lessons I have learned from my pain.  Grief has a funny way of transforming some of us, yet, on the flip side, some people get stuck in their grief and become hard and resentful of the world.  I believe the death of my brother sent my mother into this latter category.  I have not spoken with her in many years; that is a long and painful story that I won't go into here, but I did write to her recently.  In the letter I expressed my gratitude for the gifts she gave me as a child and I wished her happiness.  I have not heard back from her, but I can sleep at night knowing I reached out to her with love.

     In the words of the Buddha, "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." After a long and dark journey through my grief, I made a conscious decision to choose to celebrate each day. To spend my days with people I love and cherish, who will love and cherish me in return.  Ultimately life is too short not to be happy.  So I make special dinners for my family just because, I buy flowers and drop them by my neighbors house, if I'm shopping and I see something that I think a friend will like I buy it, I fall into my husbands lap for a kiss and hug without reason, I surprise my daughter on occasion with a massage appointment, I bring special dog bones home to create a tail wagging frenzy, and in general, I try to spread this joyful feeling I have for life with everyone I meet.  So, as Mother's Day approaches, I'm going to use it as a day to renew my commitment to appreciate each day that I have here on earth, to open my arms to the people in front of me, and to show my love for all beings, including sending out love to my mother; I will just hope she feels it.