A Day With My Samskaras

      I have been, to quote my mother, a bit of a pill this week. It got so bad I called my husband to talk me down off the ledge as my car was determined to turn into the nearest fast food place I could find for a grease fix. As many of us know, old habits arise in times of stress, or for me, when I am not feeling well; this week I have been plagued with migraines. I had previously signed up as a volunteer to work at a function at my daughter's school, and was just not feeling it. I knew the woman in charge from a strictly peripheral view, but yet I was dreading it based on snippets I had gleaned of her life. “This is not the kind of person I am going to have anything in common with”, was my attitude. I told you, I have been a real pill lately. I bitched and moaned to a friend about the whole situation, feeding my negative perception of what the evening was going to be like...and then, she was lovely. In Sanskrit there is a term for this kind of behavior: samskara. Samskaras are conditioned responses to certain stimuli, both negative and positive. We are creatures of habit and so often we drift into these behaviors instinctually. My need to prematuraly judge others is one of my most tenacious samskaras. This and my proclivity for junk food when I have a headache, but on that samskara I prevailed this time.

     I think of the samskaras like the worn ruts on a mountain bike trail, eroded after years of use in the rain and snow, and so easy to fall into as you are cruising along. The only way to stay out of those ruts is to be aware of them and guard against falling into them. Yet, when we do by chance fall into one, we must cultivate the awareness to recognize the situation and to move out of it as quickly as possible. These negative habits create suffering, even though there are times they feel immensly comfortable, like a torn and weathered sweatshirt you just can't seem to part with. When learning to meditate I was taught that the first step to quieting the mind is recognizing when a thought arises and pulls you away from the breath. The first step to changing our negative habits, those well worn samskaras, is to find the courage to recognize them when they arise.