Is it Possible to Give Without Expectation?

   Giving without expectation? Is it really possible? This has been my latest rumination, much to my families consternation, I'm always on some new philosophical bent. This question arose recently for me when I was approached for money at a Sam's Club. As I backed out of my parking space, top down on my beetle so I was an easy target, a woman in nursing scrubs suddenly appeared beside my window seemingly very upset. She proceeded to tell me her story, and if it was to be believed she was really having a bad night, and my intuition told me she was telling the truth. After hearing her story I pulled out my wallet, seeing a twenty in my wallet was a small miracle in itself, so I took this as a sign from the universe that she was meant to have it. I gave her the money, she shook my hand, gave me a very sincere thank you, and we parted ways. Driving home I began to question the validity of her story, that little voice in my head that says “you were just scammed”. Then I thought, do I really care? I gave her the money instinctually, I gave it to her because it felt like the right thing to do, initially I gave it without attachment.

   The Buddha says when we we give without expectation of reward, when we give freely, we practice release of greed and self-clinging, but this is a tall order for a mere mortal. As humans we have expectations for almost everything; I myself have only begun to scratch the surface in regard to my own expectations and the suffering they have created for me. We give a gift to make someone feel good, to make someone love us, we give to make ourselves feel magnanomous through our generosity, we give out of guilt, we give in hopes that the world will perceive our wonderfulness, for we are lacking in the confidence that we are already enough and that we can give to simply give. I feel gratitude for the nurse who approached my car in need of money because she gave me the opportunity to practice giving without expectation. Whether she went to the bus station to make her way home or to the liquor store to purchase cigarettes and booze is of no matter to me, in the moment I connected with another human being and gave freely without expectations.